Ukulele Funtimes

I've been having some fun recently making cutesy versions of rather un-cutesy songs with my pretty blue ukulele. Tee hee! Enjoy.

Lovin' Mittens

O my beautiful blogfriends, I have missed posting tidbits of loveliness for you so! I have for you another large painting I've done recently that hasn't made it into the ol' Etsy Shoppe. It's much too big and perhaps a little naughty:


Oh me oh my!

Anyway, I am off to build pinhole cameras in peculiar shapes, and perhaps out of peculiar objects. I shall perhaps tell you of my adventures with such devices soon!

Oh, and remember Project Lemon? Well I've been thinking for a while of turning it into its own blog where creative good deeds from all over the world could be documented. I think that would be such fun! Who knows if it would actually catch on, but at least it would be a place for me to document my own adventures in whimsical merrymaking.

The Vagina Mary

There's a little painting I've been working on recently that I thought I'd give you a little gander at. I suppose it could use a little more work, but I'm sure you'll get the picture.

Behold: The Vagina Mary.


Also known as the Holey Mother. Hymen intact.

The Virgin Mary has always looked like a vagina to me. Whenever someone sees her in a piece of toast, I'm pretty sure they're just seeing some ladybits. So how could I resist rendering her as such? And look at the joy she's bringing to her little cherub as she ascends into the heavens!

Springtime

Out my window I see my parking lot, which more closely resembles a skating rink, and rooftops covered in snow beyond it. This dismal view sparks great anticipation - for springtime is a mere fortnight away!

I can't wait to wear pretty vintage dresses and carry summery handbags. When I can put away the pashminas for little silk scarves. When pretty shoes don't get full of snow and I can ignore the sock drawer completely.

I can't wait to fill my brain with bubbly summertime music.

I want to have picnics down by the river involving fancy cheeses and jazz cigarettes. Taking pictures and reading books and watching pretty things happen.


I want to get friends together to play sports. T-ball tournaments and soccer games with drinks on an outdoor patio afterward to celebrate our athletic ineptitude.

I want to visit one my dearest friends in Toronto and perhaps coerce her into exploring New York together.

I want to set up elaborate schemes of fans to attempt to cool my apartment down to a livable temperature and then ruin the delicate balance by filling my apartment with the heat-producing bodies of good friends.


I want to roast weenies and mallows.

I want to grow a few fresh vegetables on my little balcony in pretty pots.

O how I long for long days. Not having to think about mittens and layers of sweaters and such. Tans. Brews in backyards. BBQ. Road trips. Fishing. Sailing. Canoeing.


Bicycle rides. Riding Princess Buttercup to get fresh produce and red wine. Riding her to Nellie's Diner for an amazing breakfast. Riding her with friends. Riding for no reason.

I want a pair of roller skates. I want more hats. More dresses. More time spent frolicking in open fields.

I would also love to know what sort of exciting things you're looking forward to this summer.

Woke Up Alone

Can we just pretend that so many months haven't passed since last I posted?

Please please please watch this wonderful movie made my the delightful Glenn from Spitting Image!



I suspect that Glenn was formerly a large graceful deer, roaming the rolling hills in search of a dapper velvet dinner jacket, who accidentally turned himself into a human one tragic day, but was so charming that his family forgot that he wasn't just one of them all along.

Put a Dodge in your garage

I really don't have anything profound to say about the following, I just felt the need to share:

Objects

Take a little gander at the following picture:


Now try to guess what it is!

Could it be some strange combination of memory stick and lipstick?

Heck no! It's perhaps the greatest invention of all time, found here.

Oh Lelo. It has taken some restraint to not have mentioned these little darlings on my blog before, as I want it to be family friendly (and because if I don't restrain myself, this blog will become pure smut) (though who doesn't like smut?) but really, pleasure objects are not at all gross or inappropriate. They are fun! And Lelo makes them ultra classy. I mean, look at this:
A gold plated vibrator! How absurdly and perfectly decadent.

I must also mention a couple exciting facts while on the topic of Lelo's fabulousness. Their pleasure objects don't require batteries, as they plug into your wall like a cell phone (or into your computer like an ipod, in the case of the top photo). They also all come with a 1 year warranty instead of the standard 30-day, are made of extremely high quality materials (like surgical-quality silicone), and come in a very classy black box. They have a few goodies for gentlemen as well! I go on like this because every other sex toy out there is marketed so deplorably and made without this amazing attention to detail. The sex toy industry is viewed as icky and gross and sleazy only because they've made it that way. Lelo is changing that by bringing the classiness back into masturbation. Classturbation!

Alright. Enough talk of vibrators.

Sorry.

Hello my beloved internet loves! O how I have missed the giddy feeling of getting the most marvelous comments from the worlds most adorably brilliant people after posting a little something.

Glenn and the duck, the spool of thread, the five cents, and the vegan mosquitos (whom he failled to mention) were correct. I was kidnapped by avocado-flavoured ape men in large rubber pants. I'm sorry. It won't (but probably will) happen again.

And now, you're doubtlessly wondering, what has this silly little broad been painting lately?

And my answer would be: two self portraits!

They're nearly done. Let's have a gander at them in progress. I find unfinished paintings terribly embarassing, but I love looking at other people's works in progress so much that I suppose I ought to share my own. Enjoy! I nearly wrote ejoy. Have some e-joy!


Alright. So I look scary. That's step one in Self Portait making. Make yourself as creepy as possible.


Then you want to make your skin all blotchy and patchy and weird.


Then, when everyone suspects that the painting could not possibly ever pass for decent, pull awesomeness out of your ass:


The above is a bit of a bad photo, and it's still not completely done. But O does it excite me! Now let's look at birds! Once again, splotchy, disproportionate and scary first:


Then, suddenly, without any warning, awesomeness!


And finally, almost done, with just a bit of details in the birds and hairs to go:


Oh they're looking so lovely! I have never attemtped a realistic-ish self portrait before. Actually, I've never attempted a realistic portrait at all. Ever. Except for one of my dear friend Lana, but it's still highly stylized and from a very obscure and forgiving angle. Anyway, I must say, I'm really quite proud of how those are turning out.

Bananas

I sat down groggily on the train to school this morning, yawned, and looked up. Just as my eyes started to focus, a rather elderly Asian with a beautiful smile on her wrinkled face took the last bite of her banana. She then, without hesitation, threw the banana peel across the train to a gentleman sitting many seats away on the opposite side of the aisle. He caught the peel gracefully, set it in the crease of his newspaper, and turned the page, hiding the banana peel within.

They never made eye contact. They never spoke. I wanted so badly to ride the train past my station just to see if they'd get off together. My sense of responsibility won over my sense of adventure. I mustn't continue to let this happen.

Oh, and hello! It's been a long time! Have I told you lately that I love you?

Flattery and Hattery

Hello my long lost blog friends! If all goes well, I'll get a new computer next week and be happily back among you lovelies. This lack of technology has been kind of fun, though. And I'm really much more productive without computational devices. But O, how I long for daily connection to the world once more!

I have listed a few new paintings! There are children knitting scarves to mummify a bear,


A very naughty owl in disguise,


And, at last, a fellow with a marvelous sense of fashion and an endless love of avocados.


I must also declare my gratitude and flattery to two fantastically talented people who have kindly featured me on their blog. My insides have exploded with warm and happy feelings due to the sweet things these Discriminating Weirdos said about me. I must insist with bubbling enthusiasm that you visit their Etsy shop, MoeSewCo and feast your eyes on their marvelous creations, including stunning hats that are causing me to salivate.


Fare thee well, my friends! I promise my impending technological purchase shall have me reading and writing blogs as gleefully and frequently as I did before my computerless summer.